Australian cricketer Shane Warne has been in the news recently for all the wrong reasons – he was impatient when his new model Mercedes couldn’t get past a cyclist so he tried to pass anyway clipping the cyclists back wheel and breaking the poor guy’s bike.
Warnie does like getting them round the back of their legs, but what looks good on a cricket pitch is just nasty on a public road.
In an amazing blame-the-victim rant Warnie said:
“I think what disappoints a lot of people is the attitude of the bike rider. They don’t own the road”
“My main concern is the attitude of the bike riders. Just respect everyone on the road.”
“Can we please have registration plates on bikes so we can report them if they’re doing something wrong?”
Well the cyclist didn’t exactly hide from anyone when he went to the police station to report Warnie’s actions. So the registration plate call would have been moot in this instance.
Warne also suggested cyclists should be forced to ride single file and not two abreast.
The reader comments on the news reports (they were bad on the ABC, but on the Murdoch rags they were beyond stupid) backed Warne’s calls for bicycle registration, threw in compulsory bicycle licensing, a ban on lycra and just who do these hoity-toighty cyclists think they are going on roads, when don’t they know that roads are for cars? i.e. every stupid wanker in Australia had a say.
Well obviously some motorists do prove that cars and bike don’t mix, but instead of the obvious and banning disrespectful, dangerous drivers, why don’t we indulge their every whim and spend all our treasure to build more motorways? So dear State of Victoria, please do what New Zealand is doing with its Roads of National Significance programme and indulge these selfish people. Please build Shane Warne a motorway system of his own, so he doesn’t have to share with other motorists, or by Toutatis, a cyclist.
A parallel system of freeways for the exclusive use of Shane Warne
The motorways are for the exclusive use of Shane Warne in his Mercedes (the one with one silhouette of a bicycle on it). Cyclists are definitely not allowed. Emergency services also are not allowed to use the roads, but with Warnie on his own system there should be less call-outs for them to attend anyway.
There would be a direct link between Shane’s garage and the motorways and there would be off-ramps for the Melbourne Cricket Ground and for businesses that Shane might want to use. There’d be off-ramps for burger drive-thrus, tobacconists, chemists for his diet pills, and his favourite hair restoration studio. He’d also have access to his favourite Indian restaurant where they keep baked beans in tomato sauce on the menu just for him.
It will cost the State of Victoria approximately A$18 billion dollars, but what price safety? We have indulged Shane’s every whim since he was in high school when it was found he could turn a cricket ball better than anyone else. He hasn’t ever had to work an honest day’s work in his whole life, and why should he have to start now?
Let’s do it for Shane. He’s an Australian legend.